Real Writing Housewives

It occurred to me today... I HAVE NOTHING TO WATCH!  Everything I love has either had a series or season finale!  


What to do?  OK, fine the Real Housewives are still on, but man, New Jersey is super weak... A pack of uneducated, lame women who sometimes get drunk and violent.  For the most part, much like watching paint dry.


New York, always good, but about to end.  Although, that should be one hell of a season finale.  And speaking of the Real Housewives, while browsing on Amazon.com yesterday, I came across "Body by Bethenny," which just looks like yoga (don't think Bethenny Frankel had much to do with creating yoga), but what I also noticed, was how high the Skinny Girl's books were rated by Amazoners.  I saw at least four books by Bethenny Frankel, all with an average rating of about 4 out of 5 stars.  


Then I noticed that even mildly retarded, table flipping, New Jersey Mafia wife, Theresa Giudice has a cookbook out called, Skinny Italian: Eatit and Enjoy it Live La Bella Vita and Look Great, Too!


Also carries impressive ratings!  And hey!  She can write!  Well, perhaps that's true, but I'm pretty sure the other name on the book, Heather Maclean was responsible for any successful verb-subject agreement that occurs on those pages.  


Then!  New York Housewife Alex McCord's  book she co-wrote with exceedingly metrosexual husband Simon, Little Kids, Big City: Tales from a Real House in New York City.  Um, they live in Brooklyn.  Hope that's part of an explained joke on the inside cover.  Huge ratings!  Five stars out of 5!!!


Wait a minute... are amazon reviewers just really partial to Real Housewives and anything, any of them, might write or sling?   A tad more research gave me the answer, which is a very clear NO.


Yep, two more New York Housewives have books out, which Amazoners... do not like.  First we have the much anticipated and mocked, Class with the Countess, by Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, which recived an average rating of 2 out of 5 stars.  Nah, I wouldn't want to read it either, and she's so damn condescending on the show, I'm sure I'd hate every page of it.


Lastly I glanced at Jill Zarin's ratings for the book she co-wrote with her mother and sister, Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Stories, Real Love.  Yep, well not much real love from Amazon reviewers who gave the read a 2 out of 5 star rating.  Most of the reviewers gave it 1 star and were rather scathing, calling the advice "cold" and "calculating."  


There you have it: a show on Bravo does not equal successful book reviews.


However!  That is NO reason to start recording music!  Step away from the microphone LuAnn!! 

Really Lame Housewives

I hate to slam one of my favorite pastimes, but does anyone else think the Real Housewives of New Jersey has become a real snoozefest?


I mean, does anyone really care if some brain-dead mafia wife is making pasta sauce in her garage?  And last night?  Just one lame, salad-eating, contrived argument scene after another.  And I can honestly say, even I don't see the point.


Highlight? Last night we saw a sleazy modeling agent tell psycho-Danielle, "You're a really good mom." (shouldn't even she have been suspicious?) This was prompted by the funneling of her 14-year-old daughter into the safe and nurturing modeling business.  Hopefully her daughter won't also follow in her mother's pesky, cocaine and kidnapping with loaded weapons, footsteps (and yes, that was fabulous and shocking, as far as storylines go, but way overused now).


And this is just catty and mean, but what happened to Dina?  Was the lighting in the baby store really that bad, or did she age like 15 years since last season?


OK, OK... need a new pastime.