Who's guilty? That'd be me. No, I didn't brawl outside the Orlando courthouse for tickets, but I have spent the last 2 weeks glued to HLN (a station I didn't know existed before this circus) and live tweeting all throughout the trial. Nancy Grace (who needs grief counseling over her loss) went on about "little kee-lee" and made it clear she'd be a strong suspect when a freed Casey Anthony goes missing. Yes, it's gross that so many Americans and international people with too much damn time on their hands alike, have been obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial.
It started with me doing preliminary casting for the inevitable Lifetime Movie (maybe a mini-series would do a better job of feeding this voracious audience at this point?). I was calling Alyssa Milano to play the most unpopular individual next to Bin Laden, Ben Affleck with a stash and goatee to play the accused molester brother, Edie Falco to make us sob for the grieving grandma, and my fellow tweep, @Paul_DPW threw out James Brolin as the accused molester father/accused adulterer with a total hag/accused dumper of his own granddaughter's body. And you think you had a tough week.
The more I watched the trial, the more I thought, what a pack of buffoons trying this case. Who didn't want to punch Baez in his smug, fat face? And why was Linda Drane-Burdick being hostile to everyone, including her own witnesses (an excellent example of why so many people have misgivings about female litigators). This is the best that Florida has? Poor Florida.
More than that, why did the state bring this case against Casey Anthony with no hard evidence... at all? And didn't they know first-degree murder was a long shot on circumstantial evidence? Given that, they could have at least made an effort to try to prove that Caylee was in the care of her mother Casey at the time of her death... never saw that brought up at trial, making the second count of aggravated child abuse off the table as well. Oh Florida!
Do I think she's responsible for her daughter's death? Probably. Do I agree with the verdict? Absolutely. There was no evidence directly linking Casey to Caylee's death and we should all be grateful that we live in a country where trials are not decided by emotion, but by facts. This very unpopular decision was the correct one and I commend the jury for having the courage to uphold the law as it was written.
If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at the prosecution. Their evidence was simply insurmountable... and christ, I don't have a JD and I saw that all day long.
And let's face it, everyone who's throwing an emotionally-raged fit over a woman they've never met, will be the same people tuning in to watch the Casey Anthony reality show on TLC, "You're Killin' Me, Casey!"
It's been 43 days since Bailey left. I have never felt such a profound sense of sadness, emptiness, and grief. I've never cried so much or felt more confused in my life. I know that pets in our lives are a short-term bargain, but it's so difficult to understand how the greatest part of you can just walk out of your life one day.
I'm grateful that I knew every day of Bailey's physical life, that I did know exactly what I had and exactly how lucky I was. I used to ask Bailey out loud, "Why me? How did I get so lucky to have you?" I've said so many times that Bailey is perfect, and he was. And in some funny ways his passing was perfect, too. I had been on break from work from December 18th to February 7th. Yes, a very long break where I got to be home with Bailey. He began to decline on February 7th. He passed February10th and I had to be on set the next morning, February 11th shooting, "A Series of Unfortunate People." As horrible as it was, it would have been more horrible to be home without Bailey and without that wonderful distraction. The veterinarian who put Bailey down was the biggest douche-bag in veterinary medicine. Even in the darkest moment of my life with Bailey, there was something to laugh about.
About two years ago, I began grieving his death. I know that sounds nuts, but every few months, I'd lay awake in bed, thinking about the fact that he'd leave one day, and I'd just cry and cry. Of course, he hated this. Bailey was so full of love, but oh boy, he HATED it when I cried.
I will not go into the details of Bailey's passing because it's just too painful. I will say we spent the last day together outside, Bailey, Phil and I. He had a chicken breast and held a tennis ball for me. He had two bad days and then he told me under no uncertain terms that he was ready to go, and I listened.
Every day has felt like a bad dream. I feel like a kid who was running around having a great life who had no idea just how very sad life can be. I remember looking at random people, not understanding how they could be smiling and happy when they didn't even have a dog. Happiness without Bailey just didn't seem possible.
Everyone who offered advice to me said much of the same 1) It just takes time. 2) You'll never really get over it. And they're right. Time has helped. It still often feels like time can't pass quickly enough. I still have moments when I'd really like for my physical life to be over so I can be with Bailey again. And I absolutely will never get over losing Bailey. It is a part of me that will always remain changed.
Several days after Bailey passed I made an appointment with an animal communicator to talk with Bailey. For me, that was very stupid and an act of desperation. Very soon after, a film producer/director asked me to do the voice of a dog for one of his movies. I remember thinking as I stood there performing large chunks of dialogue to a big microphone, in a "dog voice," how ridiculous it was to try to put human words to a dog's train of thinking. If dogs could really talk, it wouldn't be much more than, "Life is good. I love you. What's for dinner?" And trying to make human words speak for a dog was not helpful to me. I regret having kept that appointment with the animal communicator, but it did teach me something very important: Stop looking outside of yourself for the answers. You already have them and Bailey told you EVERYTHING.
Humphrey will be the next dog in my life. Bailey was perfect so I'm convinced Humphrey will be a major pain in the ass, but we'll love him anyway. And Bailey will always be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I made a website in Bailey's honor. He deserves so much more than that but please visit and leave a comment on the "Bailey Memories" page if you'd like to share a Bailey story. Professor Bailey
